As part of the Insurgency's contribution to the ongoing "War on Christmas", we would like to wish all of you a very secular "Happy Holidays".  Let us hope that baby Jesus keeps his nose out of all our gift giving and quality time with the family this year.  I mean, it's not like we hate baby Jesus, but he doesn't really insurge enough for our liking.  Also, he's too pro-fish and not pro-breakfast enough from what we've discerned.  No way we can get behind somebody like that.  Jesus is flat un-American in that way. 

That said, many people have been writing in lately to ask us which t-shirt Jesus would buy, and Insurgent Aaron, a religion major, has provided us with an answer:

Jesus would buy Gay on Tuesdays.