Anna writes:

I LOVE Lou Dobbs....his stand on ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION is right on.  Those opposing his view of ILLEGAL immigration usually have their own ideology - that is that ANYONE who has a problem should show up in America to have their problem solved by tax-paying Americans.  How nice for native-born Americans in the midst of a recession....seeing their jobs going overseas, struggling with health-care costs.....having the burden of providing social services, medical care through the emergency rooms of hospital (making our healthcare go up even more), providing interpreters...for millions of people here ILLEGALLY....not to even speak of the high cost of educating the children of these millions.  I strongly suggest those who support the "rights" of these illegals - adopt a couple of families.....have them move in with you, share your household, your food, pay for their healthcare, pay for the education of their childred....OUT OF YOUR FAMILY BUDGET!!!  We'll see how long your hold on to your "head above the clouds" view........you would then have a right to bash those like Lou Dobbs.....once you, yourself, have the financial burden of caring for these uninvited guests. 
 
Get real.....remember we are talking ILLEGAL!!!

OK. We realize that it is an utter waste of time to dispute Anna's "arguments", but we will analyze them, nevertheless.

Anna's main argument appears to be that "Those opposing his view of ILLEGAL immigration usually have their own ideology - that is that ANYONE who has a problem should show up in America to have their problem solved by tax-paying Americans." We will ignore her misuse of the term "ideology" in order to focus on the topic at hand--immigrants and immigration. Had Anna bothered to read our previous lesson on the straw man argument, she may have decided against sending her angry, spastically unfocused email our way. I challenge anyone to show us where we have argued that "anyone who has a problem should show up in America to have their problem solved by tax-paying Americans." Since we have not argued that point, that argument against us is simply sensationalist (not unlike Lou himself), absurd, and invalid.

And then, of course, we have the standard "He's only against illegal immigration" line. Good god. Please, people. I will say this one more time. We do not, have not, and will not question whether or not those who come here without proper documentation are committing crimes. We are questioning the validity of the current laws themselves. The fact that something is a law is not, in itself, any indication that that law is fair or just. For those who have difficulty with subtlety, I will use this easy to understand example again. Segregation was once law. Segregation was not fair or just. Laws can potentially be unfair or unjust. Follow me?

We are encouraging people to think about how fair it is that individuals find themselves in a global economic system that compels them to sell their labor on a transnational market in order to survive, but then punishes them for actually becoming transnational laborers. Also, because undocumented workers in this country are afforded the protection of very few rights and are therefore vulnerable, we are saying that it is very poor form to constantly blame the social antagonisms produced by that global economic system on the individuals who find themselves caught up in it. One could say that a guy who makes his money and fame on berating people with little resources or rights, those who are economically compelled to sell their labor in the United States for survival, is kind of an asshole. So, that's what we are saying.

Again:  Social problems are not the result of poor people from other countries immigrating to richer nations. Social antagonisms are the result of systemic problems in the fields of politics and the economy. Yes, it is much easier to just blame the scapegoat of your choosing for all the problems in society, be that liberals, conservatives, immigrants, muslims, jews, whatever... But it is also intellectually lazy, and only serves to buttress the current injustices in the systems that have actually produced these problems. People who foster this sort of intellectual laziness are pendejos.

It truly is amazing how people we don't know feel compelled to email us and tell us we are wrong about stuff, especially given that we are just a satirical t-shirt company. 

Here's our latest episode.  

On Fri, Jan 9, 2009 at 7:43 PM, Mike wrote:

Y'all are missing the point about illegal immigration. Let me start by saying that I am NOT against Hispanics. I have a great admiration for the Hispanic culture. I served with Hispanics in the Army and was stationed in Panama for a while. My heritage is Irish... but I would not condone 2 million Irish here illegally.  Illegal immigration is a security issue. Especially now, with the Mexican drug cartels expanding their violence, we do not want that in the U.S. Amnesty would encourage more illegal immigration... where does it stop? The U.S. is struggling economically and does not need the additional strain on our social services accomodating illegals. I know many reasons to prevent illegal immigration. How many GOOD reasons do you have to promote it? The U.S. is a nation of immigrants... but let people come here legally and do it right. Do y'all believe that we should reward people for breaking our laws? That's exactly what amnesty would do. Lou Dobbs is not a pendejo. Mr. Dobbs has reported on our government's lack of progress on securing our ports and borders from potential terrorists. The fact that we have some 10-20 million illegal Mexicans in this country is a testimony to that.
 
Mike  

From: Tshirtinsurgency 

To: Mike

Mike,
 
Congratulations on your admiration for the Hispanic culture. I am thoroughly convinced that you are not racist.  Moving on...
 
Ok, so you believe the point we are missing is that illegal immigration is a security issue. What about our position--that Lou Dobbs is a Pendejo--indicates that we do not understand the importance of keeping violent drug cartels from entering the country?  You didn't say, and that is strange. Presumably, if you feel confident enough to write people you don't know and tell them that they are wrong about something, you would explain why they are wrong in specific terms and examples.
 
And then, there's this:
 
"Amnesty would encourage more illegal immigration... where does it stop? The U.S. is struggling economically and does not need the additional strain on our social services accomodating illegals. I know many reasons to prevent illegal immigration. How many GOOD reasons do you have to promote it?" 
 
This is an example of the logical fallacy known as the Straw Man; we have never once called for amnesty or promoted illegal immigration, but you falsely attributed those positions to us because it is easier to argue against fake positions which seem to bolster your "argument". 
 
Our positions have been clearly stated on the website, so I won't restate them in this email. If you have an issue with one of our actual positions, and not one you just made up, then, by all means, act on your compulsion to let us know about your disagreement. 
 
Hasta entonces,
 
Insurgent Kyle 
 
PS: What and who are "potential terrorists"?  Am I? Are you?

Here's the latest. Debbie wants us to clarify our position on illegal immigration in simple terms (which we already did in the last excerpt of Pendejos Aplenty, but apparently that wasn't simple enough).  She also objects to us promoting our t-shirt business.......on our t-shirt business website.

On Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 10:19 AM, Debbie wrote:

Other than your shameless promotion of your flayling t-shirt bussiness, what is your real stand on ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION?
Are you for it?

From: T-Shirt Insurgency
To: Debbie Sent: Tuesday, December 23, 2008 2:18:02 PM
Subject: Re: POLITICO

That's a loaded question which implies the logical fallacy known as "false choice", thereby rendering it illegitimate.  It is also unbelievably reductionist. (As if immigration exists in some quasi-ahistorical vacuum.)  You also call our business "flayling" which is, of course, a presumption not based on fact. Also, "flayling" is spelled flailing, and "bussiness" is spelled business. Amazing how you could get so many things wrong in a two sentence email.

Thanks for playing, though. 
 
Have a nice day.

On Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 7:34 PM, Debbie wrote:

Esta es la respuesta que esperaba de un pendejo como tu.
Parece que hay muchos parecido a ti, desgraciado, en este pais.

(This is the response I expected from a pendejo like you. It seems that there are many disgraceful people like you in this country.)

From: T-Shirt Insurgency
To: DebbieSent: Tuesday, December 24, 2008
Subject: Re: POLITICO

Debbie, I'm sorry we couldn't provide you with a cute little soundbite answer like Lou would have. If you want simple, inadequate answers to complicated questions, by all means, keep getting your answers from simple people. The Insurgency, I'm afraid, is not in the habit of reducing complicated political problems down to a second grade reading level just so we can gain some sort of popular support.
 
I'm really sorry we insulted your tv news hero, but he is an asno if ever there was one.
 
Merry Christmas

One more excerpt from our new feature-- Pendejos Aplenty!

Another reactionary takes issue with our Lou Dobbs shirt!  

On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 7:20 PM, Robert wrote:

Moron or Idiot (your choice), Get it right asswipe, he's against ILLEGAL immigration. What part of that do you not understand??? He believes, as I do, in the rule of law, as you apparently don't. Throw out ALL illegal's and end the birthright policy.
Deport 'em all.

From: T-Shirt Insurgency <
Date: Thu, Dec 18, 2008 at 9:31 AM
Subject: Re: Lou Dobbs
To: Robert

1. Once again, it is incredible how (presumably) native English speakers like yourself apparently do not know how to use correct punctuation in the sentences they write.  It seems a particular problem amongst possible minutemen militia members like yourself.
 
2. We do not question whether or not there are certain laws that people immigrating to the United States are required to follow. We do not question the fact that those who do not follow them are guilty of crimes. We are questioning how just those laws are in the first place. I think you'll find, if you look through history, that some laws were not so just.  This may be another such law. We are suggesting that the current structure of global capitalism coerces workers to move where the work is to survive, while at the same time punishing them legally for doing so.  We are saying that the current system unfairly punishes workers, and that the system should be changed so as to not unfairly punish them.  
 
3. We never said Lou Dobbs was against legal immigration. We know he says he's against illegal immigration. I'm not sure how you got so confused so as to decide you should call us asswipes for saying something we didn't say. Maybe you should read more carefully to avoid such confusion in the future. Our beef with Dobbs, asswipe, is that he too often uses his prominence not to fight for a more fair immigration policy, but instead uses his pulpit to rail against individual immigrants rather than the power structure that produces them.  
To quote you, Robert, "What part of that do you not understand?". 
 
 
Sincerely,
 
Insurgent Kyle

Many of you D.C. residents may be familiar with the Prince of Petworth blog.  POP always has its finger on the palpitating pulse of the city, and so, naturally, POP sent out an intrepid young reporter to get an inside scoop on the Insurgency the other evening. Of course we really gave away nothing of ourselves because we are nothing, nothing but the blank screen upon which you all may project your own insurgent desires... 

SeeStory 

The Insurgency would like to wish all of you a Happy Bastille Day!  Just a little reminder that you aren't out there insurging by yourselves.  Pancakes is with you all the way.  And just maybe he'll storm the Bastille that surrounds your heart, and finally it'll be free to commence its own reign of terror! 

The Wall Street Journal reports that Coke sales have plummetted in the first quarter of 2008.  This is widely rumored to have been caused, in part, by the release of our High Fructose Corn Syrup T. 

Join us as we continue to bring the battle to Fructose Fructose Ghali's henchmen. 

Also, the Argonaut has Pabst in cans, ok, hipsters? 

As part of the Insurgency's contribution to the ongoing "War on Christmas", we would like to wish all of you a very secular "Happy Holidays".  Let us hope that baby Jesus keeps his nose out of all our gift giving and quality time with the family this year.  I mean, it's not like we hate baby Jesus, but he doesn't really insurge enough for our liking.  Also, he's too pro-fish and not pro-breakfast enough from what we've discerned.  No way we can get behind somebody like that.  Jesus is flat un-American in that way. 

That said, many people have been writing in lately to ask us which t-shirt Jesus would buy, and Insurgent Aaron, a religion major, has provided us with an answer:

Jesus would buy Gay on Tuesdays. 

The White House X-mas party was held last night and naturally, the Insurgency's intelligence operation had someone on the inside.  We're told that the lamb tasted suspiciously like pork.  We can only assume this was a right-wing Christian ploy to entice the semitic peoples in attendance to break their dietary rules and force them into denigrating their traditions.  We're also told that Wolf Blitzer drank an inappropriate amount of egg nog, his beard growing yellower and yellower around the mouth as the evening went on.  

Sadly, that's all we can share for now.   

The other day while insurgent Matt and I were insurging, a powerful hunger befell us and set us to musing on which local eatery would be up to task of filling the ol' gut.  After much deliberation, I said something like "Fuck it.  I'm going to Quiznos." I hadn't been to Quiznos in many moons, but I vaguely remembered some spicy sandwich that sated me once upon a time.

I walked down the block to the Quiznos on Pennsylvania Ave SE and when I entered this is more or less what went down:

(A young, squat, Salvadorean woman stood at the register)

Me:  Hey, you guys still got that spicy sandwich I ate here many moons ago?

YSSW:  Espicy Club?

Me:  Gotta be.  I'll take one.

YSSW:  You want large or regular?

Me:  I'll go regular.  (watching my figure)

YSSW: You want combo?  Chips and drink?

Me:  Sure.  (not watching figure that much)

YSSW:  nine dollars. 

Me:  What's that?

YSSW: nine dollars

Me:  when you say "nine", do you maybe mean "five" or "six"?

YSSW: (confusedly) no combo?

Me:  I got a regular, right?  Not a large.

YSSW:  Yes, regular. 

Me:  And that's nine dollars.

YSSW: Yes.

Me:  So I'm going to give you this ten, and you're going to give me one dollar back?

YSSW: Yes.

Me:  Cause it's nine dollars. 

Yes: Yes. 

I finally paid the young lady and marched back to the Insurgency compound nine dollars lighter.

And so my point is--fuck Quiznos for charging nine dollars for a freakin spicy club combo.  The Insurgency will not stand for this.  We are formally issuing a death order against that weird puppet that sang their advertisements last year. 

nine feckin dollars.  Best believe I went nuts at the free pepper bar. 

It should come as no surprise to most of you that the national press would be slow to cover a critical story like the burgeoning insurrectionist t-shirt movement that springs forth from the proverbial loins of the T-Shirt Insurgency.  But alas, Jackie Spinner, a visionary Washington Post reporter not long back from Iraq, got wise to our rising wave of influence on the ground and published a story on the Insurgency in the Washington Post today. 

You can check it out here. 

The Insurgency would like to take a brief moment and wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving.  Due to security concerns, the insurgents are never able to gather around the same table and break bread together.  But we hope all of you out there are able spend some QT with friends and family today. 

May your turkeys be tender, may your potatoes be mashed, and may your blankets be smallpox-free.

Sincerely,

T-Shirt Insurgency

With all the hoopla surrounding the president's recent veto of legislation that would have extended and expanded funding for the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP), the Insurgency finds it prudent to weigh in.

SCHIP was established to address the growing number of uninsured children in America by providing  health insurance to families who cannot afford insurance, but make a bit too much money to qualify for Medicaid.  Many Republicans voted against renewed funding for SCHIP and Bush made good on his threat to veto the legislation. 

He may have a point.

What have any of these children done to prove they deserve health insurance?  Of course, parents want their children to be insured, and kids likely want to get better when they fall ill, but what have they done to demonstrate their worthiness of a government handout?  The Insurgency has a proposal that will tackle this issue and just possibly save Lou Dobbs from a life threatening aneurism.

There are an estimated 12 million undocumented immigrants in this country,  and the primary reason they come here is because  there is work for them to do.  This is where the SCHIP kids come in.  Children who benefit from the SCHIP program should be required to work off the health insurance handout they receive from the government by performing jobs typically done by "illegals", thereby reducing market demand for immigrant labor. 

Each state will have to set its own guidelines with respect to how many days children attend school, versus how many days they work as caregivers, landscapers, crop pickers etc...  And before the NEA cries foul, they would do well to remember that sick children rarely attend school anyway.  

Under our proposal, those children could finally earn their good health, and save America from the great Dobbsian nightmare our nation continues to suffer. 

As a result of the recent events surrounding ethnic Kurds in Iraq and Turkey, people have been pressing the Insurgency to make their stance on the Kurdish question known.  Here it is:  The insurgency is pro-Kurdistan.  That is--we support the creation of an independent Kurdish state in parts of what is now Southeastern Turkey, Northern Iraq, Northern Syria, and Northwestern Iran.  

Why: 

The Kurds are the indigenous people of Kurdistan and have a sovereign right to the land and to self-determination.  While not all Kurds presently live within the boundaries of the lines we would suggest for the Kurdish state, If you build it, they will come.  

The Kurds have had their cultural and political rights oppressed since before World War One.  The Iranian Shah banned the Kurdish language, Turkey has denied the Kurds basic cultural rights and political representation since the founding of the country, and Saddam Hussein famously killed thousands of Kurds during his reign.  And that's just a small taste of what they've put up with.  For more check this link out.

The Insurgency is wise to U.S./Israeli funding and arming of PJAK, the Iranian branch of the PKK, and is, of course, wary of the possibility of a U.S. installed head of a new Kurdish state.  We can, unfortunately, already imagine the privatization of the future nation of Kurdistan.  But the fact that nefarious forces may be moving to extract Kurdistan's wealth in order to enrich themselves must not keep Kurdistan from becoming a reality.  That fact is, rather, just one more battle to be fought on the road toward soveriegnty and self-determination. 

The Insurgency will soon make its support for Kurdistan known in T-Shirt form.  And once that happens, can a free and independent Kurdistan be far behind?   

For those of you who may not be familiar with waterboarding, we thought we'd include this handy graphic.

Again, this is a "harsh interrogation method".  Not torture or anything.  And when you're surrounded by the tropical paradise that is southeastern Cuba, do you really care if you feel convinced that you're drowning and close to death?  Probably not.   

Insurgent Matt is sure he could hold out for 4 minutes, but the smart money is on 14 seconds. 

Gitmo shirt